Round 2

First I do not write this post to make others feel bad. I do not want to offend anyone with what I say. I don't need anymore advise about what to do (already have an overload). And last I don't want people to tell me I need to not stress so much or go on a vacation. That being said, I write this post because this blog is about me and JP (plus our pets!) and what is going on in our lives. This post will expose me a little more then I would like but if I could help someone else and have them realize they are not alone then this post worked!

JP and I have been trying to get pregnant for a year and a half now. (There you go I have now told the whole Internet. Hope JP is OK with that!?) I know to some that does not seem like a lot of time but let me tell you it feels like an eternity! I have been pocked, prodded and violated more then women should! All tests we have done come back negative for anything wrong. This is fantastic but I don't always see it that way. I know many think I am over reacting and children will come when they do, and blah blah but it is VERY hard for me to see others get pregnant no problems. I have always kind of had issues with an "oops" baby anyways.
For the most part people have stopped asking me when we will have kids. I think this is a very inappropriate question to ask anyone. You have no idea what people are going through! At first I would get mad at people for asking this, sometimes I still do get mad. But for the most part I try to brush it off like no big deal. It was like I should have gotten pregnant the day I graduated. (Believe me, I was trying. I would have been over joyed if I was!) I have shed many tears over silly things but it is a VERY touchy subject with me.
JP and I met with a fertility doctor two months ago and he put me on clomed. I knew I wouldn't get pregnant the first month, but tears were still shed when JP made me take a pregnancy test just to make sure before I started another round of clomed. He now needs to purchase me another one because one day I will need it and those things are not cheap!! Going on clomed was a hard decision for JP because he does not like drugs. If he was not for it then I would have respected him and not done it. But after the appointment he admitted that he was getting frustrated too. FINALLY! He is so good at keeping things inside. He talks to the guys he works with about it and of course they all give their advise too. I like the fact that he is willing to talk about it I just wish he would talk to me more often. He probably avoids the subject with me because I tend to over react to things (I am pretty sure I got this trait from my mom!)
Anyways, I have mellowed out a lot the past couple of months. I still get upset when I find out others are pregnant, but I get over it. There is not much I can do about it except be happy for them.
So we trek on and am thankful we have the technology we have now! Maybe my body just thinks we still live in bible times and I have to be A LOT older to have children!?